I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
