also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
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