farters have to be the big spoon...
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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