So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
