My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize