Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Randomize
