I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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