Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
