Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
what day is it and did you see me today?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
