if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
