Your mouth is God's brothel.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
