there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
