her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
