If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
