There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
wakey wakey hands off snakey
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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