her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
