Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
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