I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
