you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
