Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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