my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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