Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
