Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
