Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
you had me at cake vodka
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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