I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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