My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
