hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
