All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
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I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
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BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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