dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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