i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
