His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
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