She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
