she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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