I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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