If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
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