Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
