I feel great
I just peed on a car
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I deserve to be covered in dicks
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
