I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
you traded sex for a burrito?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
