I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
420 ftw
I am in a vortex of obligation.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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