i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
