haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
