we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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