I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Boobs are out for the taking
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
