he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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