wanna go halves on a baby?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
