Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
