shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
