Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
