Moan for me like Helen Keller
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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