Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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