there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
