I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
