Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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