She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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