I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
