hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
