these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
