guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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