captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
