i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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