I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
