btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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