I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
