I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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