im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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