Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
