You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
