we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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