why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
