Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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