Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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