I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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