Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
