I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
