I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
