The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
