If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
