i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
