party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
