the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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