Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
