do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
