Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
